Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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