So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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