I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
