Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Porn is love you can see.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
