I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
