You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
