At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
