my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
