I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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