if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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