My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
