you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
