dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
