So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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