It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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