OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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