dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
