a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
