That reminds me...we need to get swords
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
