you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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