Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
