I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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