She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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