my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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