Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
