My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
