Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
