whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
