he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
