he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
