I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I FOUND THE LEGS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
