the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
