I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
