he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
