i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
