My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
