I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
