He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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