Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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