His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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