I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
