he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
