genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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