billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
