Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
