The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
