the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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