my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
