Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
