Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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