As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
