I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
