Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
