I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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