Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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