mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need to calm my uterus...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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